So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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