I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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