There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
