laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
