it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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