He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
