My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
