On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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