I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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