We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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