hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
