Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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