bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
