fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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