My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this will be a night to untag.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
