If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
