Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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