I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
