I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
