Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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