i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
