..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
