I wish I could teleport
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize