I think my vagina is haunted
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
