nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
