Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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