Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
