I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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