the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
