haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
