I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
