no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
