Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
