shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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