I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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