I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
