My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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