I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
