I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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