I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
