dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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