Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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