Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
