I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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