I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
