I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
