i don't like sucking hair
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
