I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize