There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
