Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
