we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
