So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
