Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
