I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
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There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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