Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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