hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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