Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
