today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
