whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
