my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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