The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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