Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
