Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
