I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
