HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
