So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
