He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
