What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
