i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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