I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
