fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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